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I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
Permanent Failure 
28th-May-2010 01:30 am
Converse: black
Title: Permanent Failure
Word count: ~500
Characters/pairings: Harry/Draco, Harry/Ginny
Rating: R
Summary: Draco hated the scars at first. They’re a permanent mark of failure.
Warnings: angst
Disclaimer: The boys belong to JKR, even though I’m often much nicer to them than she is.
Author’s Notes: This was my third (and final, I promise!) ficlet written for this week’s sortinghatdrabs. The pairing was Harry/Draco and the prompt was scars – we all have them.

joomla visitor

Scars – we all have them. Every member of my almost-lost generation carries their own marks of the war.

I hated mine at first: white lines across my chest and neck, interrupting my flesh. I already felt cripplingly vulnerable, crumbling under the weight of my responsibility and the knowledge of my helplessness. To be half-killed while I cried – the shame burnt in my stomach afterwards, while the curse wounds slowly knit.

I hated Potter even more that year: he was Quidditch captain and I couldn’t eat from fear. But he’d disappeared into the mental mist that now surrounded everything outside my narrow, hideous situation. I thought of Mother and Father and the Dark Lord and Dumbledore and Snape, with an occasional thought for Vince and Greg. That claustrophobic terror didn’t allow for school rivals. But I couldn’t even beat him; Snape had to save me.

For the next eighteen months those scars were proof of my failures.

It started to change after Potter was captured and escaped. The Dark Lord descended on us like a black storm. A dozen spells hit me; the light had barely faded from one before his high voice was calling the next. They hurt and attacked and burnt.

Limp in bed that night, after Mother had sneaked in to heal me, I worked my fingers carefully over new skin, learning the marks I was left with. Nothing was as deep – as effective – as Potter’s curse, and over the years they faded. Only a few remnants were left by the time Harry and I got together at Terry’s twenty-first.

He stumbled against me in the hall of Terry’s flat, and I stumbled into the wall. Harry followed. The kiss was sloppy and drunken and involved too much tongue, but I was kissing Potter and that was too bizarre and brilliant for me to stop.

He shuddered at the sight of the scars when he pulled my shirt off, and lowered his head to press damp kisses along the raised lines. He was wincing and apologetic at the very sight of them.

Nine months of fantastic sex, Quidditch matches, joking and hexing and learning far more about him than I ever realised there was to know. By the end, he’d stroke my chest and trace the scars when we lay in bed with an expression far from that wincing guilt.

Then Ginny Weasley came back from the continent.

Harry wanted the white picket fence with roses round the door, the vivacious wife, the three children and a crup. I was a fling while he was young, not the start of a new life: the call of cosy Weasleyness was too strong. He didn’t understand I would have been constant too, that there were other ways to inextricable bonds than childhood comfort.

He should have done, after all that’s been between us.

I wear the scars proudly now: Harry’s mark on me, and the only lasting thing he ever gave me.
28th-May-2010 01:03 am (UTC)
*whimpers* I'm all teary now. But it's so beautifully in character that I just can't bring myself to complain. This could be the prequal to a million of my favourite fics that include the epilogue and then have Harry and Ginny breaking it off after because Harry just can't get over Draco because that's what he really wants.
2nd-Jun-2010 12:24 am (UTC)
Yay, I made someone well up! *\o/*

Thank you for the lovely comment :) And yeah, this could definitely fit with that scenario - I feel bad for Harry in this one, as well as Draco.
(Deleted comment)
2nd-Jun-2010 12:15 am (UTC)
Thank you! I do too, poor boy :(
28th-May-2010 02:13 am (UTC)
Wow you were quick to make a fic out of what I said! XD *honored!*

But that makes me so sad in the end. :( I'm terrible- if it was me Harry would have stayed by Draco's side because PFFT Ginny. I don't have the will to not make them happy. XD But it was still a gorgeous ficlet! Nice work~
2nd-Jun-2010 12:16 am (UTC)
:D Speed is not generally one of my virtues, but you were v inspiring!

Aww, I'm glad you liked it! It probably helps that although I don't like the 'romance' between Harry and Ginny, I quite like Ginny herself.
2nd-Jun-2010 01:11 am (UTC)
Aww! Again I'm honored~

I don't like Ginny at all. Maybe I did before the end of book 6, but it bugged me that she got with Harry and not because I dislike the pairing. She just never got over her hero worship of Harry that she had since she was nine years old and that makes me really disappointed in her. I thought she was evolving when she had a great time with Neville in book 4 and seemed to move on to dating other guys in the following books, but she reverted back to her hero worship. I feel like her potential was wasted and it makes me feel bad for her character. :(

...That was a huge rant, I apologize. XD When I write my story about Draco and being proud of his scars, I'll be sure to mention you in my notes! :D
3rd-Jun-2010 01:39 am (UTC)
Yeah, I definitely see what you mean with Ginny, which is why I don't like her overmuch. In HBP I found her really vicious, compared to OotP where she'd changed a lot but wasn't cursing people loads etc. But I tend to see that as a reaction to fear, and people who get vicious when they're scared I sort of like (see Draco!). I am willing to admit to having idiosyncratic taste though!

I like Ginny/Neville much better than Ginny/Harry, because the pairing includes her having to grow up and be better in the way I think she could - and like you, I hoped she would.
4th-Jun-2010 11:01 am (UTC)
Yes I always liked Neville/Ginny too. I was cheering for that so badly. Because Neville has the best character development out of everyone in the series and it's really admirable to see what he turns into by the end of it all. I always kind of think to myself that maybe in the year that the Golden Trio is off searching for Horcruxes Ginny secretly falls for Neville because of how strong and courageous he's being, but in the end goes back to Harry (cuz it's Harry Fucking Potter!). Both Ginny and Harry are in love with other people and eventually mutually call it quits.

Ah well, no cute kiddies from the epilogue, but it makes me feel better about it. :)
28th-May-2010 04:08 am (UTC)
So sad. So very sad.
2nd-Jun-2010 12:17 am (UTC)
I am mean sometimes! Thanks for commenting.
28th-May-2010 04:57 am (UTC)
*hugs Draco* I do have a soft spot for not-so-perfect endings though. Nicely done. <3
2nd-Jun-2010 12:25 am (UTC)
Poor Draco indeed! Thanks for the comment :)
28th-May-2010 07:27 am (UTC)
*sniffs* oh poor Draco *glares at Harry & the Weasley bint*

Excellent writing, sweetie, makes me want to go rip a new one on someone for Draco ;)
2nd-Jun-2010 12:25 am (UTC)
Thank you! I appreciate the comment, and so does Draco :)
28th-May-2010 05:11 pm (UTC)
*hits Harry on the nose with a rolled up newspaper*

2nd-Jun-2010 12:14 am (UTC)
LMAO. Yes, very bad Harry!
29th-May-2010 06:40 am (UTC)
Oh, so sad! ♥
2nd-Jun-2010 12:09 am (UTC)
LOL, that little heart amuses me. :) Glad the angst made you happy!
30th-May-2010 08:05 am (UTC)
This was amazing! I love your wording and just... GUH. The snark is tangible.
2nd-Jun-2010 12:19 am (UTC)
Thank you! :) Snarky Draco in pain pleases me.
30th-May-2010 12:19 pm (UTC)
Excellent fic. So sad, but so good.
And because of the Eurovision party last night I have no words. *headdesk*
2nd-Jun-2010 12:08 am (UTC)
:D Thanks!

LOL, was this the thing of Nick's that relocated? Was it made of awesome?
2nd-Jun-2010 12:10 am (UTC)
Yes it is and yes, it was. :D

Also, the Pudding Party is on the wrong day! Le argh! I promised that evening to someone already. Much sadness.
2nd-Jun-2010 12:17 am (UTC)


;) D'you know that 'cheesecake' is slang for pics of pin-up ladies, btw? Ones with large chests.

Edited at 2010-06-02 12:18 am (UTC)
2nd-Jun-2010 11:31 am (UTC)
Awww! Can I bring a friend along then? I'll see what she thinks though.

No, I didn't know! So... what it is you want from me, then? ;D
3rd-Jun-2010 01:25 am (UTC)
Oh, cool! Yes, you can bring a friend. :) No worries if you can't come though - especially since this is a relatively small party. We're all friendly and I'm sure we'll get on with your friend, since you're friends with nice people, but I will understand if she feels shy!

*giggles* Apparently I want you to bring cheesecake in a low-cut top!
3rd-Jun-2010 10:29 am (UTC)
Ooooh-err! :P
Well, it's an odd request, but cheesecake in a low-cut top can be arranged...
14th-Jun-2010 06:03 am (UTC)
Beautifully written but I'm sooo disappointed in Harry!
15th-Jun-2010 03:47 pm (UTC)
Thanks for all the comments!
10th-Jul-2010 07:07 am (UTC)
I think this is my favorite of the three "scars" prompts. It's so heartbreakingly beautiful. That Harry would leave Draco behind for an easy, comfortable life with Ginny echoes the sort of mentality that a lot of people have.
11th-Jul-2010 12:12 am (UTC)
Thank you! It was inspired by a comment of nova_sunday's, to the best of my recollection, and written in like 15 minutes, so I'm relieved you enjoyed it!
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