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Lokifan
I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
I voted! 
1st-May-2008 10:34 pm
Converse: black
I voted in the local election today - for the Lib Dems, since I'm that stereotypical liberal, bisexual young English student. I'm really quite excited by it - I've never voted before, I've always been too young.

The people at the polling station were lovely. And very pleased to see someone vote in the local elections, LMAO. Especially someone under twenty-five.

How do we celebrate a milestone? Yep, fic. Specifically, three angsty post-DH drabbles. I'm including the Epilogue That Can Not Be Named, people.

Title: Shared Gaze
Word count: 300 - 3 connected drabbles
Characters/pairings: Harry/Ginny implied, Draco/Astoria implied. Of course, it's all about Harry/Draco.
Author's Notes: Written for dracoharry100's challenge, intimate
Disclaimer: The boys belong to JKR, though I think I'm often nicer to them than she is.



They never smile.

Draco and Harry haven’t spoken since their last night, but they’ve come to a tacit agreement nonetheless. They don’t smile at each other. It’s silly, really; does nothing to disguise their feelings when they spend this public banquet drowning in each other’s eyes.

Weasley – he’ll never think of her as Mrs Potter – touches Harry’s shoulder and leans down, whispers to him. Draco’s mouth twists at the implied intimacy, and it takes new self-control to stop him yelling at her to take her hand off.

She does. The wedding ring on it glimmers, and Draco abruptly feels sick.

~*~

He’s grown his hair longer since Harry last saw him; Ginny thinks he looks like Lucius. If she watched Draco as he does – scrutinising each inch of pale skin, learning each new wrinkle – she wouldn’t speak such blasphemy.

Draco could never be anyone but himself; the bright centre of Harry’s universe. He shines in company. Sometimes Harry hates that Draco can sense Harry’s presence; he always quietens to return the intimate gaze.

Meeting his eyes is like staring into the sun. Bright and intense, it threatens to bring tears to Harry’s eyes. Draco is far away, and shining, and untouchable.

~*~

Harry jumps when Ginny whispers to him. For a moment he’s filled with resentment that she's interrupted the shared gaze that's the only thing he and Draco now share.

Ginny talks, and he watches Draco. Draco’s hair falls forward, revealing the shadowed nape of his neck. The sight of that intimate, vulnerable skin exposed is a visceral reminder of his loss.

It’s time to leave. Harry drags his gaze away, and keeps it on Ginny’s moon-pale shoulders as he follows her into the dim hall. He looks back for an instant, and glimpses that bright light in Draco’s eyes fading.


joomla visitor

Comments 
1st-May-2008 11:46 pm (UTC)
First of all, congrats on voting! I had just turned 18 months before the 2004 election over here, so I was able to vote and did so proudly! I think it's so, so important that everyone who has an opinion make it heard, so kudos to you!

Secondly, this is just... heartbreaking. I would hate it if it wasn't so beautifully done simply because it's so painful to read about this kind of loss, you know? But you pulled it off wonderfully, so I can just swallow the lump in my throat give you applause. lol *catches self taking good writing way too seriously*
2nd-May-2008 12:36 am (UTC)
There is no such thing as taking good writing too seriously. (Though it's a bit "really? me?" when it's my writing taken seriously!)I'm glad it made you sad (you know what I mean), because it made me so sad writing it - I'm glad it worked, and made someone else sad too!
2nd-May-2008 12:40 am (UTC)
Hey, don't think you can dump your sadness on me, bitch. *glares* Do I look like a dumping ground for sadness? Do I?? A little? A lot? I was afraid of that... *sigh* Well, I suppose I'll just have to put up with it.

;-)
2nd-May-2008 12:45 am (UTC)
LOL. Pfft, nobody said you had to read the angst!

Actually I've been kind of in a bad mood this week, which I think is why I've produced drabbles entirely lacking in the sort of cute you should get from "intimate". *dumps sadness*
2nd-May-2008 12:47 am (UTC)
I'd trade your sadness for my sickness. Have been home sick from work all week with pneumonia. Ick.

Sorry you're week has been shit though? Anything specific or just an all around crap-fest?
2nd-May-2008 12:50 am (UTC)
Fighting with my parents, and exam-related stress. I think the stress is making other things seem worse - and there's a bit of PMS in there too.

I am actually feeling better now though - I can tell, because I'm talking so much! Clearly, writing as carthasis works!

I'd rather have the stress than the sickness. I mean, pneumonia? Yeesh. *hugs in careful, avoiding-infection style*
2nd-May-2008 01:02 am (UTC)
Yuh, I know! Who the hell gets pneumonia?!

Ugh, that can definitely happen. And PMS bites. I assume you're still living the folks? *hopes I'm not alone in my geekiness* Heh, it's cheap and it saves on the gas I'd no doubt spend just coming here to hang out every day...
2nd-May-2008 01:16 am (UTC)
:d Yeah, living at home. I'm off to uni this autumn.
2nd-May-2008 01:18 am (UTC)
Seriously, I'm blocking so much of the last book out of my mind. So, I avoid such stories because they hurt, and this hurt - well done on that!Beautiful and graceful imagery too :) But-but-but - how can you write something so hurtful and wrong!? *g* AU, people, AU please!

Also, I became both Libdem and bisexual today! *g* Big day for my thinky thoughts obviously! And it's wierd, thinking of myself as bi when for so long I was totally Hetgirl Who Had The Odd Anomalous Girlcrush! *g*
2nd-May-2008 01:36 am (UTC)
Beautiful and graceful imagery too

Very happy now. And don't worry, I shall return to the happy land of EWE soon enough!

You became bi today?! Whoa, yes, big day!

It is a little weird, isn't it? Although it hasn't been as weird for me as for some - I was pretty lasse-faire when I first worked it out, and it's become this big part of my identity fairly slowly. I never had any angst. I wondered if I was a lesbian when I was thirteen and obsessed with Buffy - then I got a crush on a boy, and decided I must have just been 'experimenting' because I thought Willow was awesome or something. In retrospect this is silly: I was watching season six, and it never occurred to me to think "yummy Spike!" until I discovered online fandom. I was much too busy drooling in Buffy's direction. :d

Then, major crush on my female best friend when I was sixteen, and I sussed fairly quickly. :d One of my friends is Hetgirl Who Has The Odd Anomalous Girlcrush - she is extremely into Jessica Alba. The friend is EXTREMELY hot - I kind of hope the Girlcrush will become less Anomalous some day when she's drunk and I'm around!

Um, not to get weirdly personal or anything but how did you know? Have you been thinking about it a lot lately or did you, like, have a breakthrough?
2nd-May-2008 01:37 am (UTC)
OMG. See? When I'm happy, I TALK. A lot.
2nd-May-2008 03:06 am (UTC)
Heh. You talk a lot? Watch this:

I haven't been thinking about it at all, because I do like men *beams* The odd girlcrush, I put it down to the fact I do like personality - because, boobs? Not really a turn on *g*

Also, for me, it was Faith, not Buffy. And then Zoe in Firefly/Serenity. Men - totally Spike, not Angel! :)

But the one that turned me to the reality of real, honest, hey-I'm-really-truly-bi - today, was (don't laugh!) - Hillary Clinton!

I watched the first part of her interview with O'Reilly, and she was impressive, intellectually, sparring with a guy known for being a tough talker and Republican, and all with good humour and definite steel in her backbone.

So, that took care of me being seduced by her personality. Then, in the second section of the interview, she laughs - and god, it went straight to my turn-on button! Gorgeous, lilting laugh! And I always thought she was a beautiful woman, and the fact she's 60 doesn't change that at all, but that laugh - I just went PING!

Still, I didn't give it much thought - another anomalous girlcrush - and then hours later, I was just thinking about how Bill cheated on her, and I just wondered how he could. If I had a relationship with a woman like that - brains, beauty, bravery, and the all-important sense of humour - I couldn't imagine wanting anyone else. And that's what hit me, how that differed from the other crushes - I was thinking relationship!

No, I don't think she'll leave Bill for me!*g* - It's the word 'relationship' that hit me, and I took a hard long look at her again, thought about it, and realised yeah, I can really, realistically, see myself in a serious relationship with a woman.

Considering I'm not a 'relationship' person, this was all a huge change in mindset. And I realised I'm not het anymore, I'm bisexual!

It'll take some time to sink in, adjust to it becoming, like you say, a big part of my identity, something I tick in those ticky boxes when they ask for sexuality, but it will be fine. And I'm totally looking forward to experiencing this new thing!*g*

I'm impressed you didn't have a 'crisis' over it, and may your wishes come true re your hot friend *g*

Do your friends and family know? Right now, I think I'll be fine letting some friends know, but definitely not family. It's not a 'crisis' either for me, but it probably will be for them and I'm a firm believer in keeping stumm unless I get married!
2nd-May-2008 03:24 am (UTC)
I'm a lot more attracted to Faith than Buffy too, actually. It's the lips... and the hair... and the boobs... and the attitude... and the...

Right, where was I?

Oh yeah. I totally see what you mean as far as the Clinton thing. I always reckon the difference between Occasional Girlcrush heterosexual and bisexual is lust/love - bi-curious girls might kiss other girls, bisexual girls might have a relationship with them.

I think part of my non-crisis is that I was already very pro-gay rights and used to the concept, so it fit in fairly easily. Of course, this meant people thought I'd been in the closet, and/or pro-gay rights because I'm bi, not because gay rights are a Good Thing, which kind of bugged me.

My friends and family know; my friends knew about six months before my family, though. My family still knows 'in theory', in a lot of ways. I've had a fling with another girl - I'm not the relationship type either - that they don't know about. More than that, though, is that I don't usually make comments about girls in front of them. With my friends I do, and it's fine; everyone accepts it very readily. I actually have one homophobic friend, but he still accepts it from me, because it's just a thing about Becky.

My little sister has been known to make faces, or say it's "weird" if I say a girl's hot - even in the usual round of "x in that film is really hot". My mum doesn't do that, but I can see her sort of - flinching, almost. I don't know whether they're the problem, and they can't accept the reality of my sexuality, or whether it's that I avoid bringing it up even in indirect ways, and they'd relax if they got used to it.

I kind of wonder if they think this is a youthful experiment thing, something I said because it's 'cool' - particularly since I was nearly seventeen when I told them and a supporter of gay rights. You know?
2nd-May-2008 11:18 am (UTC)
Faith! - don't forget the voice, I love her voice, and the way she moves when she fights, she looks like she can really kick ass. And her body is just lovely and curvy.

It's funny you said about the pro-gay making people think you were gay - because, same thing with me! My sister told me my parents actually called her, worried, wondering if I was gay - simply because I was pro-gay rights combined with the fact I never tell them about boyfriends.

Other people too have made that comment, a lot at highschool, got harassed for it. And like you say, it's absolutely ridiculous for so many reasons.

I like a private life, especially when talk of boyfriends etc just lead to 'when are you getting marrried?' and frankly, it's tiresome, so I don't talk about it. I mention it on lj, and that's about it.

You've been really brave with it all, and your friends and family sound like good people. Even if some find it hard to understand, it doesn't sound like they would ever contemplate being anything but loving towards you.

Even if they think it's an 'experiment', the fact they're accepting it is just fantastic. You hear some awful stuff about family/friends turning on their own. Yeah, doubting your sincerity/judgement on it is not great, but it might be just time they need to wrap their heads around it.

I've had arguments, raged, had relationships in limbo for weeks over things like this, and I'm now cynical enough that I tend to say as little as possible about a lot. Not to say my people aren't loving too, it's just - people will make up their own minds, fair enough, and no amount of 'discussion' gets through sometimes. It can be upsetting, and I don't have the energy for it anymore.

The one thing I do speak up about is when my nephews get told prejudiced/divisive things, even if it's their parents doing the telling. That makes me flare up, and I forget all about my 'cool distance' thing. Example: The fact you're not good at playing football with them, sis? Not because you're a girl. The fact I'm playing football pretty damn well with them should give a clue.

Sorry! Cool distance - *g* - yeah, right.

And good afternoon to you!:)- I slept so late and I feel like a zombie! I'm not a night owl, although I am occasionally insomniac, and it's a sunny day and I should be going out but I'm just dead from the late night.

And I'll stop the verbal diarrhea right now!:)

2nd-May-2008 01:57 pm (UTC)
I slept REALLY late too. But I am a night owl, so it's more or less OK. Least I have the Bank Holiday to get back into the swing of things.

I am lucky, you're right. I'm going to try to keep that in mind better, especially since your family sounds - not as bad as some, certainly, but not as accepting as mine on this stuff.
26th-Aug-2015 12:22 pm (UTC)
Awww, DA ANGST.

This is really beautiful and sad. I love the idea of canon complaint Drarry and, generally, adults!Harry and Draco. It adds something to their relationship. And, yeah, I probably like to hurt myself with the feelings. Don't know what's wrong about me XD
26th-Aug-2015 09:23 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you! I really appreciate comments on my older stuff. And WOW yes this is very I-shall-be-poetic-and-angsty, haha.
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