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I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
Permanent Failure 
28th-May-2010 01:30 am
Converse: black
Title: Permanent Failure
Word count: ~500
Characters/pairings: Harry/Draco, Harry/Ginny
Rating: R
Summary: Draco hated the scars at first. They’re a permanent mark of failure.
Warnings: angst
Disclaimer: The boys belong to JKR, even though I’m often much nicer to them than she is.
Author’s Notes: This was my third (and final, I promise!) ficlet written for this week’s sortinghatdrabs. The pairing was Harry/Draco and the prompt was scars – we all have them.

joomla visitor

Scars – we all have them. Every member of my almost-lost generation carries their own marks of the war.

I hated mine at first: white lines across my chest and neck, interrupting my flesh. I already felt cripplingly vulnerable, crumbling under the weight of my responsibility and the knowledge of my helplessness. To be half-killed while I cried – the shame burnt in my stomach afterwards, while the curse wounds slowly knit.

I hated Potter even more that year: he was Quidditch captain and I couldn’t eat from fear. But he’d disappeared into the mental mist that now surrounded everything outside my narrow, hideous situation. I thought of Mother and Father and the Dark Lord and Dumbledore and Snape, with an occasional thought for Vince and Greg. That claustrophobic terror didn’t allow for school rivals. But I couldn’t even beat him; Snape had to save me.

For the next eighteen months those scars were proof of my failures.

It started to change after Potter was captured and escaped. The Dark Lord descended on us like a black storm. A dozen spells hit me; the light had barely faded from one before his high voice was calling the next. They hurt and attacked and burnt.

Limp in bed that night, after Mother had sneaked in to heal me, I worked my fingers carefully over new skin, learning the marks I was left with. Nothing was as deep – as effective – as Potter’s curse, and over the years they faded. Only a few remnants were left by the time Harry and I got together at Terry’s twenty-first.

He stumbled against me in the hall of Terry’s flat, and I stumbled into the wall. Harry followed. The kiss was sloppy and drunken and involved too much tongue, but I was kissing Potter and that was too bizarre and brilliant for me to stop.

He shuddered at the sight of the scars when he pulled my shirt off, and lowered his head to press damp kisses along the raised lines. He was wincing and apologetic at the very sight of them.

Nine months of fantastic sex, Quidditch matches, joking and hexing and learning far more about him than I ever realised there was to know. By the end, he’d stroke my chest and trace the scars when we lay in bed with an expression far from that wincing guilt.

Then Ginny Weasley came back from the continent.

Harry wanted the white picket fence with roses round the door, the vivacious wife, the three children and a crup. I was a fling while he was young, not the start of a new life: the call of cosy Weasleyness was too strong. He didn’t understand I would have been constant too, that there were other ways to inextricable bonds than childhood comfort.

He should have done, after all that’s been between us.

I wear the scars proudly now: Harry’s mark on me, and the only lasting thing he ever gave me.
28th-May-2010 01:03 am (UTC)
*whimpers* I'm all teary now. But it's so beautifully in character that I just can't bring myself to complain. This could be the prequal to a million of my favourite fics that include the epilogue and then have Harry and Ginny breaking it off after because Harry just can't get over Draco because that's what he really wants.
2nd-Jun-2010 12:24 am (UTC)
Yay, I made someone well up! *\o/*

Thank you for the lovely comment :) And yeah, this could definitely fit with that scenario - I feel bad for Harry in this one, as well as Draco.
(Deleted comment)
2nd-Jun-2010 12:15 am (UTC)
Thank you! I do too, poor boy :(
28th-May-2010 02:13 am (UTC)
Wow you were quick to make a fic out of what I said! XD *honored!*

But that makes me so sad in the end. :( I'm terrible- if it was me Harry would have stayed by Draco's side because PFFT Ginny. I don't have the will to not make them happy. XD But it was still a gorgeous ficlet! Nice work~
2nd-Jun-2010 12:16 am (UTC)
:D Speed is not generally one of my virtues, but you were v inspiring!

Aww, I'm glad you liked it! It probably helps that although I don't like the 'romance' between Harry and Ginny, I quite like Ginny herself.
28th-May-2010 04:08 am (UTC)
So sad. So very sad.
2nd-Jun-2010 12:17 am (UTC)
I am mean sometimes! Thanks for commenting.
28th-May-2010 04:57 am (UTC)
*hugs Draco* I do have a soft spot for not-so-perfect endings though. Nicely done. <3
2nd-Jun-2010 12:25 am (UTC)
Poor Draco indeed! Thanks for the comment :)
28th-May-2010 07:27 am (UTC)
*sniffs* oh poor Draco *glares at Harry & the Weasley bint*

Excellent writing, sweetie, makes me want to go rip a new one on someone for Draco ;)
2nd-Jun-2010 12:25 am (UTC)
Thank you! I appreciate the comment, and so does Draco :)
28th-May-2010 05:11 pm (UTC)
*hits Harry on the nose with a rolled up newspaper*

2nd-Jun-2010 12:14 am (UTC)
LMAO. Yes, very bad Harry!
29th-May-2010 06:40 am (UTC)
Oh, so sad! ♥
2nd-Jun-2010 12:09 am (UTC)
LOL, that little heart amuses me. :) Glad the angst made you happy!
30th-May-2010 08:05 am (UTC)
This was amazing! I love your wording and just... GUH. The snark is tangible.
2nd-Jun-2010 12:19 am (UTC)
Thank you! :) Snarky Draco in pain pleases me.
30th-May-2010 12:19 pm (UTC)
Excellent fic. So sad, but so good.
And because of the Eurovision party last night I have no words. *headdesk*
2nd-Jun-2010 12:08 am (UTC)
:D Thanks!

LOL, was this the thing of Nick's that relocated? Was it made of awesome?
14th-Jun-2010 06:03 am (UTC)
Beautifully written but I'm sooo disappointed in Harry!
15th-Jun-2010 03:47 pm (UTC)
Thanks for all the comments!
10th-Jul-2010 07:07 am (UTC)
I think this is my favorite of the three "scars" prompts. It's so heartbreakingly beautiful. That Harry would leave Draco behind for an easy, comfortable life with Ginny echoes the sort of mentality that a lot of people have.
11th-Jul-2010 12:12 am (UTC)
Thank you! It was inspired by a comment of nova_sunday's, to the best of my recollection, and written in like 15 minutes, so I'm relieved you enjoyed it!
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