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I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
Is a vampire/zombie pairing necrophilia? 
24th-May-2008 07:27 pm
Converse: black
Such deep questions occupy my thoughts today. I don't think it is - it's like bestiality, it only counts if one of the couple is human. Necrophilia is for alive/dead pairings. But then undead/dead is a tricky one...

Guess what? I have YET MORE drabbles for the fire prompt at dracoharry100. If the Aurors don't win after this level of inspiration and drabblage I'm going to sulk.

Title: Unprofessional Conduct
Word count: 500
Disclaimer: The boys belong to JKR, even though I’m often nicer to them than she is.
Author's Notes: This takes place in the same universe as An Indecent Proposal.

Kingsley’s quill broke. “Holt,” he called. “Get me a quill from the stationery cupboard.”

His secretary appeared at the door. “But sir…”


“It’s haunted, sir.”

“What?” Holt shrugged helplessly. “Rubbish!”

Kingsley stood and strode off down the corridor with Holt hurrying in his wake. Whispers spread like wildfire in the cubicles.

The cupboard was locked, and strange noises were emanating from it – rhythmic bangs and unearthly moans. Kingsley hammered on the door and Holt looked terrified.

The noises stopped. There was some sheepish rustling, and the door opened. Kingsley looked inside.

“Potter and Malfoy. I wish I was surprised.”


Two faces peered out sheepishly, then slowly emerged. Malfoy’s hair was ruffled for the first time in Kingsley’s memory and his shirt was untucked. Potter looked the same as usual, aside from the fiery blush.

“What were you two doing?” Kingsley demanded.

The hush was absolute. Malfoy and Potter stared straight ahead. Potter appeared to be panicking, in his stoic way; Malfoy, on the other hand, was clearly suppressing a grin.

Malfoy’s eyes flickered past Kingsley to the avidly watching Aurors. “We... we were... we were exorcising the ghost, sir,” he finished triumphantly.

Potter looked confused. “Ghost?”

Malfoy kicked him.


Kingsley kept his face blank. “We heard peculiar noises.”

“It was rough,” Malfoy said. Potter was making odd choking sounds. “Fast and hard. We had to finish as quick as we – ”

“Thank you, Auror Malfoy.”

“I think it was some sort of ghoul,” Malfoy said dramatically. “It bit me, look!” He tugged at the neck of his jumper, but Potter grabbed his wrist and told him they needed to discuss a case in private.

“Bye sir,” Malfoy called over his shoulder as he was dragged off. “No need to thank us!”

This was too much for Kingsley. “You’re both fired!”


They spun.

“You can’t do that!” Malfoy said, outraged. “He’s a hero!”

Kingsley raised an eyebrow. Malfoy flushed. “A really annoying hero...”

“What for, sir?” Potter asked, obviously trying to keep his professionalism. The watching Aurors rolled their eyes en masse.

“Unprofessional conduct in the stationery cupboard.”

“What!” Potter and Malfoy determinedly avoided each other’s gazes. “We weren’t doing anything!”

“If I have to give you both a cavity search to prove it, I will.”

They went pale.

“Try it!” Malfoy bluffed. “I hate him with the fire of a thousand burning suns.”

“You’re a bad liar for a Slytherin, Malfoy.”


“Sir!” Malfoy sounded horrified. “I would never have hot sex during work! Or lie to a superior.” He was shining with innocence. He could have been playing a trumpet in a Renaissance painting.

Kingsley almost admired the little bastard’s stones. Then it became clear he was corrupting Potter.

“Exactly, sir,” the Saviour said earnestly. Kingsley noted he was a much better liar. “That would be wrong.

“And Potter wouldn’t break the rules,” Malfoy added.

The ex-Gryffindors snickered..

Kingsley was too tired for this. “Fine. Just go.”

They walked into the fire together. Kingsley was almost sure they were holding hands.


joomla visitor

26th-Mar-2010 09:07 am (UTC)
Poor Kingsley indeed! LOL
And I love that Harry is a better liar than Draco.
27th-Mar-2010 01:20 am (UTC)
:D Harry's a good liar in canon, after all...
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